Thursday, 12 August 2010

Short Story: Our Favourite Place

Another story written in six minutes thanks to Six Minute Story
The prompts for this story were: green-clad man, rain and a tan.
I edited to remove a surplus "just" in this copy.

Our Favourite Place

I stand on the fine sand, gazing out to sea. We stood here before, didn't we? You and I. Younger, then. Innocent perhaps. Lovers learning about each other in those early days.

The time we spent on this beach was perfect. Like an advert on TV for far flung luxurious holidays. Our own private paradise. We didn't want it to end, did we?

A man walks past. Dressed in green trunks, he glances at me. I signal to him and buy. He's feeling lucky now. Selling watermelon and coconut is not easy at this time of year. I feast on the melon. Sticky juice runs down my chin and neck. I don't care. I can swim later and wash it off.

It's funny being here alone now. Not so innocent. I wear factor 30 sunscreen, taking a gamble with health to try and gain a glow. You don't worry about health any more, do you?

They'll never find you. The tides and the rain can do their worst. I dug down deep enough to find the wet, thick sand, and your remains won't be found until I am long gone. Or maybe you will become sand yourself, and have footprints trodden into you.

I watch the sea with a complex smile.



This story is also on the Six Minute Story website.

15 comments:

  1. Quite impressed with your creative output after only six minutes! Wow. It would take me six minutes to begin to settle down and think. :)

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  2. Excellent. I expected him to be dead, just not that she killed him & buried the body. So many questions left to the reader's imagination.

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  3. That was a twist, thought it was gonna be slushy romance!!

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  4. I love how short and vivid this story is. Like candy. :) Good job!

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  5. Amazing for a 6 minute write! As always, really well told. Love the chilling end, especially her comment about becoming sand trodden with footprints. The 'complex smile' in the last sentence is excellent, as it leaves so much open to interpretation.

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  6. Yes I agree with the others, amazing for six mins and I liked the fact that he was under the sand. Your imagination and style is developing furiously over the last few weeks.

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  7. Six minutes very well spent - and juicy, like the melon.

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  8. A great description that belied the darkness of the character. Wonderful.
    Adam B @revhappiness

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  9. Enjoyed the 'quickness' of the story. Great storyline and twist at the end. Awesome, as always. :-)

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  10. Well, now. This ended up in a place I didn't expect, but I certainly enjoyed it.

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  11. Vivid and reminiscent, great dark twist at the end. Well done!

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  12. It says a lot in a very few words. For some reason I can't put my finger on, it made me think of the Kevin Bacon film 'Stir of echoes'

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  13. Wow! So atmospheric in so few words. I really felt like I was there - very enjoyable. Thanks!

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  14. What Marissa said. 8 minutes for water to boil for tea, then I have to let it cool while I ponder.... I'm impressed with your six minutes!

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  15. At least you buried me in the sand. I love the beach. But I've got titanium surgical clips in me, so make sure no treasure hunters uncover the plot.

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